I have to begin with an apology. Last week I posted about local Bonobos and evidently many were offended. I received many emails and photos such as the one below from members of The International Bonobo Association (IBA) who were horrified at being compared to the indigenous St Maarten Politician Bonobo population.
So…apologies to the international Bonobo monkeys who were deeply insulted at being compared to the knuckle draggers in South Reward.
One angry Bonobo monkey who contacted me, was quick to point out:
1) Bonobo monkeys support their children, and don’t have The Court Of Guardianship hunting them down from French side, to Dutch side to Anguilla, to force them to pay child support.
2) The Bonobo pointed out that unlike the St Maarten government, they did not need Viagra prescriptions for their orgies, throuples, gang bangs, Menage et Trois and multiple breeding sprees, and they certainly don’t need Cialis.
3) Mr. Bonobo also noted that their civilization is more organised and well….. civilized than ours, and they know how to maintain a stable government.
4) He pointed out that Bonobos were more closely related to humans than other monkeys, unlike St Maarten politicians. He suggested comparing them to Gorillas and Baboons instead, who are known for their ignorance, belligerence and general, overall assholery
5) Mr. Bonobo pointed out, that they might swing ….but not like our government with their ‘Key Wife Swapping Parties’, down Low Lands and Guana Bay.
6) The monkey said that he never begged nor got anything from Claude Wathey, and he NEVER will, so it was a very unfair comparison.
7) Mr. Monkey said that he don’t have to go Colebay DNA clinic every other year to find out if his pickney are biologically his.
8) Mr. Monkey wanted me to let the people know that GOD long leased them all of that hillside property looooong before they were born, and long after they are gone, they will still be there.
9) Bunkey, the Bonobo monkey says that he is aware of the humans’ plans to mass poison them on their God given property.
Bunkey the Monkey said to “Throw all the poison you want, but don’t leave any open containers outside.” He assured us that he will piss in them…and worse.
10) Last but not least, Bunkey the Monkey said that if y’all were focused on y’all women like the Bonobos are, there would be no island wide horning epidemic, like you see going on right now.
He said “Judith, while that ol’ ass blowing his pension on that fat young thing, soon he turns he back she HORNING HIM!
He concluded that he would have taken photo evidence of what he is saying, but he lacks opposable thumbs.
We mutually agreed to keep his name out of the blogs because he threatened to sue us for defamation of character and slander if we ever compared him to our government again.